Im kinda sad right now. Me and what I thought was a true friend (A guy I have known for 5 years) arnt friends any more. All because I wouldnt do sexual stuff with him. I said "I am gonna wait until I get married. I told him Im not gonna go against Gods word because sex before marriage is fornication and that it is wrong in the eyes of God." He said "that I was living in a fantasy land because I was wanting to wait until I get married." He said "I was being childish and Id never get married because no one waits until they get married." I told him "I have faith in the Lord that he will send me someone who is willing to wait. If a guy isnt willing to wait for me then I dont need him because he obiviously didnt love me for me and that he was just with me cause he was wanting sex." I told him "I thought you were a true friend but I see that all you was with me because you thought you was gonna get something out of it."



I FEEL LIKE CRAP!

Im proud of myself for sticking to my morals but I just feel bad because I lost what I thought was a true friend.

I pray that my daughters are just like you when they get older. You are one in a million and you should be proud of that.

I FEEL LIKE CRAP! [QUOTE]

YOU should feel like a million dollars!..you are true to yourself!..and God will multiply this blessing back to you!!

CONGRATULATIONS anmlluvrha84, you just got rid of a load of cr*p!!

this guy SHOULD feel like crap..

quote:

Originally posted by 1968HIPPIEGIRL:
I FEEL LIKE CRAP! [QUOTE]

YOU should feel like a million dollars!..you are true to yourself!..and God will multiply this blessing back to you!!

CONGRATULATIONS anmlluvrha84, you just got rid of a load of cr*p!!

this guy SHOULD feel like crap..

I feel good about how I stayed true to what I believed in. The reason I feel like crap is because I really did love this person and I THOUGHT they loved me too. I hoped we would get married one day and maybe have some babies. But now I know it was all a lie and he just pretended to like me cause he thought he could get me into bed.

NO! He probably loved you...but men are physical animals...and need sexual release...

He loved you enough to say, I am not going to cheat on you...I need sex, I need physical closeness..
He could have went out, cheated on you with someone else who was willing to meet his needs and allow you to continue to believe he was waiting also...He did not...He said, I love you enough to leave...Too turn you loose to find someone who wanted to wait....
You set the ground rules for sex....it is choice whether he wanted to follow it...in this case he decided not...

Young Lady..
As a man I respect your religious point of view regarding not having sex before marriage..Is that point of view realistic or does it hand you a fantasy that turns out to be one of those BUTS in life you should have listen too...

Have you ever noticed life sometimes gives you a BUT....and sometimes a BUTT...and the BUTT you got is not the BUTT you thought it would be... because you never tried the BUTT...before you signed the dotted line which according to some is for life...so you are stuck with a BUTT that eeeeeeeends uuuuuuuuup being just another BUT in life,you should have listen too before you signed the dotted line of a life sentence..

As me I have never bought a car because it was just pretty....I have never bought a pair of shoes because of their look, or failed to try them on first to see if they fit...as I knew if they didn't, the pain of wearing them every day would remind me continously that I should have stuck my feet inside to see if they were comfortable and felt good to my feet,before signing the dotted line of purchase...

No! they are not the same...they are not even close to being as important as choosing a mate you are going to live with...
Cars you trade off after a few years...Shoes are worn out and tossed in the trash...Mates according to your religious dogma are for life...
Sex while not the entire marriage it is a big part of it..Couple after Couple, and a lot of the readers of this blog can tell you by experience that just because you are compatible outside of the bed...does not mean you will be compatible in the bed...
He may be not willing to do what you want in bed...or unable to perform in a way that carries you to the heights which your body demands...Sorry! you cannot control that demand...it is your body demanding it...do you ever reach that height...maybe not, as you chose not to act on the demands of your body...but your body knows...at the latter stage of your life you body will continue to feel something is missing..

You may not be willing to perform or do certain things that he wants for sex, for the same reason...So! either he is going to demand it, and you perform to his desired demands or the following happens...
You don't and a wall of resentment starts to build....and his body says something is missing..
Or he will go outside of the marriage to find someone who will meet those needs...

Right or Wrong is immaterial from a moral point of view...I am talking about human nature and how human being respond to certain things...prove is by reading how some of the most devoted religious leaders have fallen to those desires...they are strong..and not many can reject them..

So! is your point of view valid....Yes! if gives you what you want in life...NO! from a realistic point of view...because you then have left a part of your marriage to the same chances as a Turkey Shoot...
I wish you the best...

Those flaws of incompatibility will lead to a collapse in your marriage or lead to a life of wishing and misery....

Some will accuse me of being antireligious, some of being just a dirty ole man, some will say he is correct...what anyone says is unimportant..what is important is that you find someone who you are 100% compatible with in every part of your living time on this earth...even with all of our skills and endeavors of choosing...it does not always work out to be for a life time...

Don`t worry.there are men that are willing to wait until marriage.My wife and I waited until we were married and we dated for 6 years and were engaged for a year.Just stay true to your beliefs and you`ll find a good man.

I have to agree with trader here 100%. There's nothing wrong with you for wanting to wait until marriage, but just because he didn't want to wait, doesn't mean he's scum. Look at it from his point of view: I can see how he could think that you were trying to trap him into marriage by withholding sex. As trader said, at least he was honest with you--many men would have continued to string you along while hooking up with other women on the side.

There's no way I would marry someone without having sex with them first.

GOOD FOR YOU.

In the Bible it tells you that God has a plan for you if you trust Him and do His will.

I didnt. I was with a man for 7-8 yrs. I had two children with him and several chances to marry him. He was abusive both verbally and physically. So even though I love my children, going outside God's plan did not work out. Then I have been with a guy for 5 yrs. He also was not the one that God has in store for me and it didnt work out.

I think everything happens for a reason, and my lesson is that if I want to receive Gods blessings and plan for my life.....I Have to do it HIS way.

I try to explain to my kids that I dont just make up rules to be mean. That I have lived life and know what is best for them. I tell them that God has "rules" for us too, not to be mean but because He knows what is best for us and can see the bigger picture.

Hold on for Gods bigger plan......

quote:

There's no way I would marry someone without having sex with them first.

Amen and there is no way I'm going to date a girl for a couple of years and not have sex. That's called a "friend".

anmlluvrha84.. give yourself a pat on the back sweetie. you did the right thing! If he couldnt wait on you.. he didnt deserve you.

God will reward you for your efforts.

I only hope & pray that my daughters follow your same steps

It seems to me you were honest with him and he was, at least, up front with you. I commend you for holding fast to your beliefs and your personal values system based upon what is right for you and right in the sight of God.

I have two teenage granddaughters and they have been raised with a powerful religious background and high moral values and they (and you) will never regret making the right decision.

Now, I am going to give you something from the guy's perspective...not necessarily your guy but I wouldn't bet against it. For most guys it is a game of conquest..love'em and leave'um..as soon as you get what you want, go on to the next one. When you finally find one who has values and will not play this game, you find one good enough to take home to mom and pop and raise your kids, wear your name. From the perspective of an old grandad, YOU DID GOOD.

quote:

I think everything happens for a reason, and my lesson is that if I want to receive Gods blessings and plan for my life.....I Have to do it HIS way.

Amen!..wait for the BEST that God has for you, he WILL be worth it!!

I think you have been given excellent advice by all.

I didn't hold out until marriage, I lost my "pureness" to my first love. I honestly loved him, but (even though he was Christian- So much so he sang in a band in Miss.) he was just after one thing. Precisely a week afterward, I found out he was also *gag* sleeping with my older Best friend, after catching them together at a football game.

I was crushed and it broke my heart into a million pieces. From that point forward, I held strong to what I believed, and although I wasn't 'completely pure' I waited until marriage for the second time around.

I met my husband about 6 months later, and we dated for 2 years before we got engaged. A year later we were married. This year we celebrated our 4 year wedding anniversary and 7th year together, -and have the absolutely most adoreable toddler son (yea- I'm biased xD ).

Even though I didn't do things perfectly, it still worked out for me.

I'm proud of you for not compromising yourself for someone else. There is someone for everyone; I truly believe that, and I think your someone will come along for you sometime soon. Keep your chin up, hun, and remember to keep smiling. You never know who is admiring that smile from afar.

As for this guy, I don't think he was scum. I think you should be happy or at least relieved that he was honest and upfront with you. He could have chosen to lie to you and be a womanizer in secret. At least, he cared enough or respected you (probably better words) enough to tell you before anything further happened.

I am so sorry you are hurting though, the first loves in most cases always hurt, no matter what.

If you must, throw yourself into some fun activities or hobbies. Hang out with friends, and try not to think about it. It might take awhile, but one day you will wake up and that pain you have in your heart will be less than the day before. Each day it will lessen until it's so tiny you don't think about it anymore, except on the rare occasion. And on that rare occasion, you may still sting a minute tiny bit, it's not enough to really care about, because you realize just how lucky, strong, and happy you are in spite of it.

I wish you the best in all the world.

~Amanda