A Letter From The Management

Dear employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department

areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan,

older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting

the retention of younger people who represent our future

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the

next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged

Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for

jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records

before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program will be

called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

All employee s who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal

with upper management.

This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following

Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once,

SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.



Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:

Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.).

We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough S .H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.I.T. you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!

The Management

I love it....It sounds like the place I work.

Autumn,
I think that was snuck out of a TVA office!